Source: sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net via Melissa on Pinterest
Comparison is a tricky pickle. I’ve witnessed business owners refuse to take action because they spend too much time toiling away on their competitor’s websites, wondering why they haven’t reached the same level of success. I’ve watched actors look around the room in horror, mentally comparing themselves to every other person and then completely tanking their audition.
There is plenty of advice out there about comparisons – how to stop comparing, tricks to stop comparing, letting go of comparing. But I haven’t found a quote more profound and effective than the one above.
What’s your Behind-the-Scenes?
The question I’m asked most often is – “how do you do it?” On the outset, most people see me as a successful business owner, up-and-coming actress, and as the always-smiling married lady who is a mommy to two adorable pups.
What they don’t know is this. My puppy just threw up in my lap. I have 300+ emails to answer and can’t even think about where to start so I go and play on E! Online. My assistant’s aunt’s cousin just died and she won’t be in the office tomorrow, even though we have a crucial deadline. I just signed up to work with a high level coach that I’m not quite sure I really had the budget for. I’m starving because it’s 11:30am and I forgot to eat and am subsisting only on coffee. I missed my Pilates class because I was procrastinating on Facebook. My husband just fractured his ribs because he fell off a bike trying to do BMX-style tricks with our 10-year-old neighbor.
Simply put, my behind-the-scenes looks like a big, hot mess.
So, today I challenge you to stop the vicious cycle of comparison by sharing this blog and putting this quote somewhere prominent (on your desk, in your pocket, tape it to your forehead, whatever works for you)
Then, I’d love for you to share something about your behind-the-scenes in the comments below!
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for this! So often I get myself caught up in the comparison game. The only thing it does is make me feel yucky and resentful. Everyone is on their own journey and I need just stay in my lane and enjoy mine. Thank you Thank you…love the quote!
YES! I finally stopped caring about what other people are doing and I'm sooooo much happier. It's so easy to get discouraged when you see those successful people in your field killing it. You can kill it too if you stop worrying about everyone else and focus on yourself and your goals. Really great post
Oh my Melissa – what a breath of fresh air. I preach this and yet am guilty of it myself. This week we launched a virtual event with over 3,700 attendees watching on their computers… and yesterday I realized that people who were watching on iPads could see me (on camera!!) when I was playing a video-interview on the channel. So who knows what I was doing in my 'behind-the-scenese-cuz-I-am-not-on-camera-right-now" …Well, I am sure the people on iPads really saw "behind the scenes!"
You are right – life is messy and if we see someone who we think has it all together – we are most likely mistaken.
Hope all in your world – puppies, husbands, etc – are getting better!
Hugs,
Casey
Finally!! Someone said it! Melissa, this is so true. I think this is a business and life lesson. If we would focus on our unique purpose & do that well, without focusing on what we are not, we'd be able to serve many more clients, have more happiness, & rest in knowing that it's ok to be OURSELVES. I love that you asked "what's your behind-the- scenes?" and you kept it real.. I'm missed Zumba this am playing on FB too.. Lol.. Thank God for grace & mercy! Thanks for sharing
Melissa,
Great post — you had me at your Pilates comment!
I too, get caught up in things that can really wait until I get home from class (and I HATE it when I miss one from simply not stepping away from the laptop!)
:) Ok, no more of that, and today I am going for a run!
~ Lee
Your honesty is refreshing, thanks Melissa!
The online world is especially good at hiding our imperfections and can quickly distort the expectation we place on ourselves. I've done month-long social media detoxes to reboot my vision when I found myself believing the hype.
I'm so glad to see this topic be brought out from behind the curtain. xo.
Wow, thanks for letting us know that we are not all alone in that the "back office" can usually be a different picture to what the individual is portraying out front.
I try to stick to my plan of outside activities or to tick off the to-do list but sometimes I just turn off the computer and chill in front of the tv with the family.
It is so empowering!
Michelle
I love this post! It so reminds me of myself and what people think my life looks like and how it actually is
And to remember that everyone is human and its usually never as glamorous as it seems. ♥
Week after week you seem to get inside my head with exactly what's happening with me and business at that moment. Thank you for the reminder. My product is amazing, people love it and I have the best customers in the world – some have been with me since 2006! THAT is something to be proud of. I can't lose sight of that!
Melissa,
I find that many people subscribe to the "Grass is greener" concept and are always comparing their lives to others. But anyone who is living has their own story of life's up and downs.
We all fall victim to this thinking at times. I find mindful meditation helps foster a positive attitude.
Nina
That quote is freakin' awesome! FB is notorious for highlight reels galore so I have since learned not to believe the "hype". It's so easy to get sucked into thinking everyone has it all together, but you, so I constantly have to remind myself that no one's life is perfect. My current behind the scenes shows dishes piling up in my sink (again) and laundry taking over.:-)
OMG! That was wonderful! And here I am getting ready to shoot some vids but found myself buying a new wardrobe at zara , then procrastinating on fb and needing to wash a few dishes in the sink….and *trying* not to beat myself up for it.
The point is, it all gets done…we are ALL human and it feels better to just keep it real.
What a GREAT post! xo
Hi, Melissa,
Brutal honesty…that’s rare. I was starting to believe that I was the only one who doesn’t have it all together. I’ve been working to connect more with likeminded folks recently, but what they don’t hear is my 10 month old crying herself to sleep after a very active morning of play. What they don’t see are the beads of sweat dripping down my face because diaper changes have become an Olympic sport in our house. They don’t know about the growing list of To-Dos that gets longer by the hour or the occasional moments when I just sit with my head in my hands saying to myself, “What was I thinking?”
We all have a hot mess brewing behind-the-scenes, that’s life. But, it’s the masterpiece we create with all the chaotic pieces that really matters.
For me, I get distracted by the simply stupid things and then I don't have time to find the organization for myself so life goes smoothly.
Great news to hear others say that they don't have everything together! Thanks!
What a great reminder! I definitely find myself comparing to others constantly, so I'm writing this one down to carry with me.
Really good blog post Melissa, so very true. We get blue when we compare and despair. But when we stay in our own stuff, life seems to flow way betta! xoxo
This is awesome, Melissa! Thanks so much!!!
Sing it, sister! I'm totally with you!
When I was writing my book, 31 Dates in 31 Days, my husband kept gently reminding me, "Stop comparing your rough drafts to someone else's final revisions."
I'm constantly reminding myself of that!
Thanks for your behind the scenes tour. I couldn't help but laugh a little while I read this as my daughter was climbing on my computer.
I can completely relate to this!
Thanks for sharing this quote and your "behind the scene". It really puts things into perspective!
Best,
Melissa
Amen Girl!! Thank you for this! I keep telling myself and people I get into this same conversation with, that when we talk about 'it's supposed to be' or 'that's not right'- i just question; who or what defines 'that' which we say and talk about/compare to?…shouldn't we be our own measure??
Last thing, i contacted someone lately to get some mentoring from, her first words were 'i'm a hot mess'… i luved it! we're all hot messes!! xox
It's ok to have a healthy respect for someone without putting them on an idyllic pedestal. Great post!
Thanks:)
btw – Why are all the comments here (until mine) from women?
Melissa!
I love this quote. I've never seen/heard it before.
Thanks for sharing it – it's really so helpful!
Wishing you the best in love,
The Love Guru Blaire
You are SO right about this – we compare our behind the scenes footage to another person's highlight reel! It makes SO much sense. I will remember that when I look at Marie Forleo's absolutely flawless b-school videos and compare myself – wondering why I don't come across as that confident or polished… you're reminding me that she probably has a lot of behind the scenes stuff I don't know about, and I am comparing myself to her highlights. (I love her to bits though!!)
Hearing about what you have going on behind the scenes is really lovely because it makes you real to me. It's actually really endearing and makes me feel more normal too. Thanks so much for sharing Melissa.
I love this! It came at the perfect moment. Insecurity is among our many shared human conditions and finding mantras to sooth the mental gremlins are incredibly helpful. I have one for many of our useless emotions…"Worrying about tomorrow robs you of your joy today". Thank you for sharing this one. It's currently taped to my forehead.
This quote & post was awesome. People can easily make their lives look so glamorous on social media, but Brene Brown has an incredible quote that what we sacrifice in the endless pursuit of cool is connection. Not only can it make us feel small, but when we're afraid to be honest about our real life, it also deprives us of fully connecting with others. A poignent thought in business & in daily life.
with grace & gumption, Hilary
I soooo needed to read this today, thank you!
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